When did I become like this? After you. How did this stress happen? From you. You try to change everything that I am. But it was you. I never asked you to lie to me. About everything. Literally. Scream at me all the time… When I’m just trying to talk. Isn’t that great. Just like my father, so irate. Depression killed the cat, not sleep, not gossip, not anything but it’s own damn luck. This world is tough, I’m done being the bad guy. I just want to be the best mother I can.
Is it horrible that I just want to go back and rewrite history?
Of being hurt, how am I supposed to explain the night mares. The memories. He… The one man that I though I could trust molests me? I was to call him dad. A mom that makes me pray hell come back. But tells me that I was the only reason he was married to her. She wore his ring for years. All while creeping around corners scared to death of seeing my father. An abusive asshole who supposedly has a disease. A mom who was never there. A brother who blames me for my dads leaving. Sisters who force me to remember. Though all of them telling me I’m lying. How am I supposed to get over this? How am I supposed to pretend it doesn’t matter. To people that are tired of my night mares. How am I supposed to ever trust another man? After a friend tells me he tried to kill me. Person after person leaving me for nights full of tears. And scars. The only thing I have is god. Thankful for that. Because even if he is nothing. I need that something to survive. Because no one will ever understand. And I need to make it.
Why does it have to be like this? What makes a friend a friend and a someone something more? The fact that your now not looking at all the other things around you. You chose that person for you. To hold and protect, to never look past. Then why the fuck?
Everything that I wished for, but never thought I would ever get. Yelp, Ive got it. And its freaking amazing. Even if this doesnt last,